Well - a lot of the uncertainty about this venture has been at least temporarily tamped out by what I just discovered.
In May, we spent $490.42 on fast food/eating out, and probably another $50-100 on junk. Now, that month we were moving, and we did have a weekend trip for a conference - but even so, this is just an incredible amount of money. Not to be totally disgusting, but it's like I just flushed 40+ hours of my life down the toilet - literally. (Maybe I have been hanging out with Jesse too much.)
Seriously, though - if I could capture this ill feeling in my stomach right now - I might just be able to deal with my food addictions.
The sad thing is - we would likely eat that way all the time if we were able. The siren song of fast food, crooning to us about convenience and emotional salve, is very strong. The only thing that has consistently kept us under an astronomical figure such as that is our financial means.
For instance, in June we spent $71.68 on 'fast food' using the debit card, and most likely another $40 with cash. And of course, probably another $80 on junk food. And this was one of the leaner months, where we actually ate at home more often because we were 'poor'. While a third of the previous month, it is still TOO MUCH!
Too much money wasted, given to lousy corporations, too much time wasted feeling sick, not having energy, and not reaching my goals! Too many moments spent feeling trapped, degrading ourselves verbally and physically. TOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just too much.
When you're feeling 'too much', you have to look at the little. The daily (or momentary) action that with consistent application over a period of time will overcome the 'too much'. And, for a lot of my 'too much'es right now - that is eating healthy food COOKED at home. Notice in the previous paragraph I just said 'ate' at home. A lot of that was canned or frozen pre-processed junk. Slightly cheaper than eating prepared for you junk - but not a whole lot more satisfying.
Anyway - enough back story. Well, a little more back story. We started this blog a few years ago. It made a difference. In the short-term, the feeling of achievement and physical results, such as lower A1C levels and weight loss. In the long-term, knowledge and skills about food preparation that I think I still have in the recesses of my mind. It really was a huge accomplishment for us, and it has continued to impact our lives. Even now, when we're humbly admitting we have a problem and are essentially hitting 'reset'....the reason we got to this point of reaching out for help was because we know what it CAN be like when we are in line with our food goals.
Yesterday, Jesse said that he would like to stop eating fast food, stop (or at least greatly reduce) meat-eating, eliminate store-bought chips, and reduce or eliminate Slurm (soda). We've had many such conversations since the last time we ran this blog. MANY. When he said this yesterday, I was thinking - yeah, yeah, knowing it would help on so many levels, but not even really caring to commit to it. But we need to.
Our why:
Jesse - he is not doing well. He needs to get his diabetes under control. He's losing his eyesight and his ankles are swelling, which combined with general fatigue makes me very concerned for his heart/blood vessels. Recently, when I mentioned something about 20 years from now, he seriously told me he wouldn't make it that long. I would like to have my husband with me for much longer than that - and while I do not want to face it, even while typing this, I know the reality is - if we don't fix our diet and exercise - he's right.
Me - well, I may as well say it. Who knows if anyone is reading this anyway. ;0 Um....I want to have a baby. I've wanted to for a long time. And I'm at the age where it needs to happen soon. But I'm very overweight, and have various health concerns that would easily be rectified if I ate right and exercised.
Us - it would be nice to do things that we like to do. Namely - our short term goal is to be able to go to Cedar Point, and ride more rides!! As it is, I could really only fit on Ocean Motion and some of the other 'kiddie rides'. Jesse could fit on much more, but not everything. And because he's not in great shape, the rides he did go on he found challenging instead of fulfilling.
It would be nice to find these kids again - and ensure they have a bright, happy, and healthy future together.
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